Welcome back to the blog! ❤️ The last couple of months have been a very interesting shift for me as I underwent many emotional and physical changes in my life, especially with how 2025 looks like it's not getting any better with the different changes occurring. However, one thing that stayed consistent with all the changes was my sense of realization and being realistic.  For those who don’t know, on Merriam-Webster.com ,  “Realistic - willing to see things as they are and deal with them sensibly.   We have previous blog articles about the aspect of imagination and living In the sense of “delusion” to achieve the goals and dream life you see for yourself. There's nothing wrong with having that aspect of imagination because sometimes that's needed to build yourself up to pursue those dreams. However, some people fail to remember that you must be realistic with your current circumstances when creating these goals. For example,  you're unhappy with your current job and know that you can expand much further than your current position. Going to this job every day makes you physically and emotionally unsatisfied. One of your goals is to leave that job, but from a realistic standpoint, you know that the job market is not the best to quit randomly. You know you have financial obligations that you need to prioritize and take care of, so quitting would not benefit you financially, even though that will be emotionally and physically good for you. You also know unemployment will lead to more stressors than the job itself. These are the moments where you have to sit with yourself and self-reflect on fulfilling that goal without harming yourself in the present moment. Maybe one of those steps can be going online and applying for other jobs in that desired career path that you want to pursue. Another step can be attending networking events designated for that particular career path. The idea of being delusional when it comes to manifesting your goals is encouraged to help build your confidence To believe that whatever you put your mind to is yours automatically; however, you still should be in touch with what's currently going on in your reality and not be utterly oblivious to what's right in front of you presently.  I genuinely commend those people who can go on the internet and share their stories about how they felt like they should be an influencer, so they packed up all their belongings and moved across the country, and now they're the most famous person in the world. Although it can happen, let's be realistic. It is a one out of 100,000 chance that that can occur. So something that people fail to bring up when they tell these stories is the amount of planning and steps they took beforehand. Many times, that “big jump” for us was years of work for that person. Social media dramatically influences delusion related to specific goals and dreams. People online tend to share only the good sides of their accomplishments. Because they only shared a good side of these accomplishments, which can lead to a sense of delusion for regular people like myself to believe that if they follow the same steps as ( name of random popular famous person ), people can also follow the same footsteps to accomplish the same life that famous person is living now.  That's why many people quickly abandon specific goals they set for themselves. This is due to people trying to follow other people's footsteps when they don't even know all the steps they took. Although I might have some goals to expand my voice on this platform to a larger audience, I also have to be realistic about what I have in my present moment.  I can't attend every event I want throughout the week because I have a regular job. So, despite trying to improve my social media presence regarding this blog, I have limited freedom compared to my peers, who might have more freedom to post content consistently. So, having that knowledge of my limitations but still having the delusion of knowing that this will blow up more than I can imagine. I can easily set realistic steps for me to accomplish the goal that I still have but still fulfill the duties that I need to do in my daily life.  This can mean me attending networking events with other influencers to get insight into building a platform. This also can look like setting particular days designated only for my content. This way, I'm still working on fulfilling my goal but still obeying other obligations outside of the blog.  The main gist of it is consistency and realization. Regardless of the steps that you're taking to fulfill a set goal, it might be considered small to you, but it is a step closer to you filling it. I want you always to remember that when it comes to your goals, it is not a race. The finish line will always be there regardless of whether you run to it or walk there. It's the same with going back to school. Some people hesitate to go back to school because of their age. “I'm too old..” and “It’s too late to go back now,” but people fail to realize that they will not put your age on your degree. They're just going to put the year you graduate; you still have the degree, regardless of whether you're 18 or 46.  So, just because it seems far-fetched right now or you tried multiple times in the past to do it, if it's something that you want to accomplish, take the steps forward, even if it's baby steps to start getting more comfortable with making the necessary steps to get closer and closer to your dream life and your goals. Until then, keep sparkling! XOXO 💋✨

Ugh! It's Valentine's Day, the Day all single people hate the most. The days before this holiday show the same discourse on our social medias. One of the discourses I hate is that single people must be miserable on this Day, but why?! Have we forgotten what the main reason this holiday was created for? The origin story of Valentine's Day is pretty twisted ( Google it; I promise you, you will be surprised), but I am not here to do an educational lesson on this Day. Valentine's Day was created to share and receive love unapologetically, so why can we provide that love for ourselves? It's great to receive affection and gifts from someone outside ourselves, but why can't we do that ourselves? One of the greatest loves of all we tend to overlook is the love we have for ourselves. In committed relationships, most people love their partners more than they love themselves; that is how a toxic relationship is created. Now, you can't sleep and eat since the connection ended because your "happiness" is gone. Your source of happiness should always come from within, so when people enter and exit our lives ( which is typical in adulthood), these people can never take away something you have already had. Even if you are single, taken, or in a situationship, make sure you provide that same love to yourself that you seek with your current or future partner(s). But Kiyah, how do I start the journey to improve my love for myself?! Well, here's some tips I learned so far: Treat yourself to a nice outing as much as you can. I have been taking myself out on solo dates a lot in the last year, especially after my breakup a year ago. Not only am I enjoying activities that I like, but I am also setting a standard for myself on how I want to be treated in my future relationships. Why would I have accepted a first date at your house when I take myself to an excellent restaurant and/or spa date at least once a month?! Plus, it's many benefits of doing solo dates/traveling that we don't know about ( I can write an entire post on them alone) It's not a flex to be the one all your exes go back to. Listen, I was one of those females whose ego used to be stroked when I would get a message from one of my past connections saying the "Fboy" default apology lines. Falling for the lies of saying they are sorry and missing specific memories, now you are back in the toxic cycle again because they told you how much they changed while doing the same things that caused you to separate in the first place. If people show you their true colors the first time, believe them because many people are set in their ways, and no amount of love you provide them will make them change unless THEY WANT TO CHANGE.  So please, don't go back to people who didn't see your value the first time because it's people out there will see it the second they meet you.  Take more pictures of yourself. Sweetheart, you are so beautiful. Why don't you take photos of yourself? Embrace yourself more. Put on that outfit, get that hairstyle/color you always wanted, do that makeup look you've been procrastinating on, and take a picture. Presenting yourself in ways that make you feel confident is a good tip to improve your love for self because, as I always tell my clients, "If you look good, you feel good." Trust me, that confidence will show in your pictures and real life.  Last but not least, F**K what other people think! Remember, this is your life; people are just living it, so do whatever makes you happy. The more you do things for yourself, the more you set that standard for yourself and others on how you should be treated in all your connections. So live your life to the fullest and watch how life treats you with care and nurture with and without a significant other. So, what did we learn about not being "miserable" on a day like this? Treat yourself with love and find the positives of the Day. Take yourself to do something you enjoy. Get your favorite meal. Dance in your room to your favorite playlist. Make sure you give yourself the love you deserve this holiday because you can do that, single or not.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the girlies across the world! Whether you’re spending this holiday of love with your sweetie, friends, family, or yourself, I have compiled a list of fragrances that will fit whatever vibe you are going for. When Valentine’s Day comes to mind, I think of something sweet, yummy, and…. edible! Below, I compiled a list of fragrances from different price ranges that remind me of something delicious: Friendly reminder: you do not have to have a night out to use your good or expensive perfume. Whether you’re snuggled up on the couch with your comfort snacks and favorite V-day movie or having a night out, wear something that makes you feel confident and loved. Happy Valentine’s Day! 💓

Have you ever wanted to go somewhere, but all your friends are busy that day? Are you and your friends having a hard time scheduling a date all of you guys are off? As we get older, life gets increasingly busy as the years go on. Some of your friends have kids, others have busy work schedules, and others' lives hit them hard and need their space. Whatever the reason is, it’s hard to feel like you’re missing out on life experiences because you have no one to go with. I believe COVID-19 and being quarantined shake many people’s perspectives on life. We learned how valuable this life is and how quickly everything can change. Sitting in quarantine made me realize how many experiences I had missed due to my shyness, and as I saw my early 20s rapidly turn to my mid/late 20s, I knew I needed to experience life more. This is how I started getting more comfortable with going to events by myself and some of the benefits of it.  ------------------------------------------------- First, Be Ready to be uncomfortable at first.   I started taking myself out on solo dates in local spots in my area to get comfortable with going to places solo. The first time I did, it was pretty nerve-wracking. ( Girl, I only stayed for 20 minutes and got my food to go) Nevertheless, I was still proud of myself for stepping outside my comfort zone. Make sure you always show yourself appreciation for taking the first step! The more consistent you are, the more comfortable you get. Just like if you want to achieve any physical health goal, you must stay consistent. The same can apply to any self-improvement goal you set for yourself. Consistency is key! I set a goal for myself to go as frequently as possible each month to get more comfortable. Sure enough, I felt more relaxed in my own company and stayed in these spaces longer each time. I also began to feel more confident with myself. (side note: I noticed I get more compliments when I am by myself than with others, so that can also help the self-esteem 😊)  I started interacting with my environment once I got comfortable in my own company.   One day, I decided to challenge myself and spark a conversation with some women next to me. Long story short, the best decision ever! Just because you are there alone doesn’t mean you have to have fun alone. When I went on my solo cruise for my birthday, I ended up sparking this random conversation with this girl on the boat. We discovered that we were the same age, and I ended up hanging out with her and the rest of her friends during my whole trip. Despite going there solo, I enjoyed the entire trip with a group, and it was the best trip I have ever had. There have been many occasions where I had interesting conversations during my solo outings. I had networked with some of them, some I spent time with during the outing, and others I had exchanged contact information with ( I got connections in California, DMV, New York, and PA, just from having conversations with random people). I met so many amazing people just by traveling solo.  Now, I am not here telling you guys to randomly walk up to a stranger and tell your whole life story; please… don't do that. All I can say is trust your gut because you will know when it is the right time and person to start that communication with. I feel like I got something meaningful from every conversation I had during an outing. Sometimes, people will come up to you and spark up conversations. Be open to meeting new people and use discernment. You can’t experience life and find your soulmate if you just sit in the house waiting and watching all of the events you want to do pass you by. Step outside your comfort zone today and treat yourself to a date.   ❤️

We live in a day and age where many of the media that we can consume daily that contain a majority cast of women are often portrayed in such a hostile and harsh light upon our society; shows like Baddies portray women, especially women of color, as violent individuals who do nothing but party and downgrade each other. Reality competition shows like Love is Blind, where the majority of the male cast completely disrespects these women in such outrageous ways. Then, some of the women are portrayed as “helpless puppies” that just need affection from males. It is even as sudden as just popular female characters being portrayed in some sexual way despite the description of the character not fitting the way that they try to present the character to the audience. We often run out of inspirational media that gives us realistic but uplifting pictures of what being a woman is like in this society. Despite all the obstacles and things like that we have to go through, it is not beneficial to us mentally to be always consuming such harmful representations of what a woman should act like.  Not only that, but you also have to remember that our younger generation, who is constantly consuming these harmful forms of media, Is receiving a false reality of what adulthood is. I remember the day The Jersey Shore was a top-rated show. And a lot of people around my age group, when the show was popular, used to believe that being an adult meant being able to go to the beach and party and have no responsibilities growing up when Bad Girls Club was also a popular show, my friends always used to have “fights” to replicate what we saw on the show. These shows have entertaining qualities, but we must also remember that constantly consuming the same negative media daily will negatively impact how we view ourselves and the people around us.  As a binge-watcher, I found some TV shows that provide our daily dose of entertaining television while giving us positive representation and uplifting female characters that we can relate to and grow with.  __________________________________________________________________ Sex and the City  (1998-2004) Sex and the City is an American Romantic Comedy-Drama television series created by Darren Star on HBO. The show follows the lives of four 30/40s-year-old women who go through life struggles such as sexuality, social issues, friendship, and much more. All of the women in the show are professional businesswomen with different career paths and relationship statuses, and they get together and support each other through their struggles and accomplishments. This show accurately represents what friendship with females should be like. Despite the ups and downs with the connection between you and your friends, they still are there to help you out, and even when life has its ups and downs, you can always fall back on the people who love and care for you the most. You only see a few times throughout the shows running where the friends have fallen out; if you do, you see them healthily communicating their differences.  Despite this show being launched in the late '90s, I still feel as though a lot of the themes that they tackle in the show are very relevant today, and I find myself from time to time watching specific episodes back because it's not only entertaining but it's also more relatable as I got older.  Living Single (1993 - 1998) Living Single is an American Television sitcom created by Yvette Lee Bowser on the FOX network. The show follows the lives of six New York City friends who share personal and professional experiences while living in Brooklyn. Like Sex and the City, the show shows a healthy representation of female friendship while being business professionals. The only difference between the two shows is that Living Single has some male characters mixed in the friend group, showing a healthy friendship between women and men. As I write this article, I can’t think of any modern show now where the show doesn’t add that storyline of “ omg, they secretly like each other the whole life; they are in a romantic relationship!” Not all male and female friendships are like that, and you can have a healthy connection with your male friend without thoughts of being together romantic even popping up.   The Sex Lives of College Girls (2021 -Present)   The sex lives of College Girls is an American teen comedy-drama created by Mindy Kaling and Justin Noble on HBO.  This show follows the lives of four 18-year-old freshmen roommates from different backgrounds, economically and ethnically, who became close during college. The show talks about the themes of college and adulthood hardships and struggles.  This would be a fantastic show to watch if you are in college. It shows an accurate representation of life in the dorms. While watching it, Reminiscing on my old college days when I lived in the dorms, I brainstormed with my roommates how to study for my final while not missing this college party tonight. It also talks about topics like sexuality, sexual assault, and many other things that people in college struggle with, and I feel like they tackled these topics very smartly so that you don't feel triggered. Still, at the same time, you're also educated on what to do if it happens to you or somebody around you. As well as it being very entertaining, you're going to find yourself watching this whole series in one day (trust me, I did)   Insecure ( 2016- 2021)  Insecure is an American comedy-drama television series Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore created. The show is about the black female experience from the perspective of two female protagonists, Issa and Molly, who have been best friends since college—the story follows two women in their late 20snavigatinge career and relationship experiences.  I have my opinions about the show, but I don’t want to accidentally spoil anything for the people who haven't seen the show, so I keep my comments to myself. Besides my personal opinion about when the characters on the show, the show does show an accurate representation of how to struggle and themes of adulthood, especially as an African-American woman. I feel like we live in a day and age with social media where we see a lot of people, significantly younger people, accomplish big goals, and it's broadcast daily that we feel as though, at a certain age, we should have our life together. The show truly represents how, despite age, it's okay not to have everything in order. It will not make you less than because you decide to change your career at a late age or maybe that relationship you wanted or have been with for a very long time starts to fall apart. It's okay to start now; I feel like that show shows a lot of themes, such as being open to new perspectives and change. It's refreshing to See the process of somebody realizing that they need to change in life and how it can initially be a sense of resistance, especially if we've been doing something for a very long time. I believe the show gives us a view of how that process looks and how it can be challenging at first, but it's still accomplishable if you stay consistent, and that's why I feel like I fall back when I show a lot as a comfort show to watch because it's very heartwarming.  The bold Type ( 2017- 2021)  The Bold Type is an American comedy-drama television series created by Sarah Watson. The Show follows the lives of three millennial women who work for a global women’s magazine. The show follows the young women who navigate their lives in the big city, including their career trajectories and romantic relationships. One of the themes that stands out for me about this show is the struggles of being a woman in a male-dominated field. I feel like that's a different type of struggle as women that we have to face because I feel like we have to work twice as hard when we are in these types of fields for us to receive the same amount of respect and honor that a man doesn’t work as hard as us will get.  The show shows the struggles that a woman has to go through from a career point of view while staying afloat with her struggles and her daily life. The themes of sexuality, relationships, and overall power struggles in a business setting are heavily discussed throughout the show. Suppose you're somebody who's just now starting your career. In that case, this will be an excellent show for you to start watching as it talks a lot about how to conduct yourself in emotionally draining professional settings and how to understand and Identify the beginning stages of experienced burnout.  __________________________________________________________________ So log into your streaming account, use your ex’s, or find it online for free and start these shows together ( I know the links if you need them; just let me know😉 😭)

As we grow older, people come and go into our lives, but nobody talks about the hurt that happens when you end a long-term friendship with someone. This happened to me twice, once with a “bestie” in high school and another from a whole friend group I had in college. Both of these incidents happened over a year ago, so I have already done the healing process and grieving over these friendships, so I'm at the right place where I could talk about it and reflect without any harsh emotions coming out. The things that suck about losing a friend is looking back at those memories of you all sharing plans that you know now will not come to fruition. Sometimes, it saddens me when I think back at conversations I had with these individuals, saying how they would be my bridesmaids and wanted to be the aunts of my future children,   Just for us to be complete strangers now.  Going through a friend breakup is way worse than going through a romantic breakup because these individuals you grow close with and bond a lot with, and separating is a harsh reality check.  Not all friendship breakups result from a lousy conflict that happens between the two sometimes; people just grow apart, and they separation due to that, and that's okay. Our perspective and points of view on life change can also apply to the company you decide to keep. The crazy thing about one of my friendship breakups is that I didn't initiate it; it just happened naturally, and I'm happy that it did because I was naive about one particular friendship I had in the past.   As I reflected, I realized there were a lot of telltale signs that these individuals would not really my friends, but I was just so blinded by my love and care for these individuals that it was hard for me to see the red flags. One of the red flags I failed to realize in my friendships was When your friends have secret hatred towards you. One of the most dangerous friendships is when they have secret hatred towards you. These individuals will never openly show you that they have hate, but they would do it in sneaky ways, and you won't pick it up immediately. Once you realize these shady comments/actions, the best solution is to discuss them. In a friendship, you should feel comfortable addressing anything, including discomfort. How this individual reacts vocally and physically is usually a sign of whether someone is your true friend. If they are dismissive of your emotions or try to downplay your feelings or the situation, that is usually a red flag you should keep an eye on. Another red flag I didn't see is when a “friend” tries to embarrass you in a public setting. This happened a couple of times on the social media platform with one of the girls in this friend group where they actively tried to embarrass me on multiple occasions and even tried to make me feel some type of way by having a conversation with someone that they knew I didn't f*** with.  These people showed me their true colors on multiple occasions, but it took for me to take off the Rose Colored Glasses to truly see that these people were never be my friends, which sucks.   When that harsh reality sets in, it is tough to start processing how to go on with life without people you've used to see longevity with. The first way to grieve the loss of a friendship is to release emotions towards the situation healthily. I utilize journaling and my voice memo to help me unlimitedly vent about whatever issue that I'm having without involving other people. It is also an excellent tool because sometimes I look back at these journal entries to reflect on my growth in my process.  Another way to express your emotions in a challenging situation is to utilize the people around you and talk to the friends and family you care about. They would often add a new perspective on the situation that can help you look at it from a different point of view, which is also beneficial if you're reflecting on the loss of a friendship. When I talk to my best friend about a particular situation with my old friend group, she helped me look at the situation from a different lens, which allows me not to be so angry about it and have a little more empathy.  Another big tip when grieving the loss of a friendship is to stay silent. In my situation, even though I was not communicating with these individuals, they would still try to purposely do little things secretly to get me out of my character. So when I saw these attempts, I stayed silent. Only some things need a response, and that's an essential piece of advice I receive regarding this situation. You do more damage when you're quiet than you do when you speak your mind, so it has been many occasions where I could have chosen violence, but I decided peace instead for my overall growth and happiness. Sometimes, you have to do that when going through a separation. You must pick and choose your battles because many battles aren't meant fighting for your well-being.   The last piece of advice when going through a friendship breakup or any form of Separation is never to close your heart to new opportunities. Sometimes, when we go through something traumatic, such as losing a friend or a partner, we tend to close up our hearts for new connections because we got hurt so badly in our last one.  When I had my guard up due to the hurt I felt with these individuals, I missed opportunities to connect with new people because I felt like they would do the same thing my old friends did. Being hurt in a connection does cause you to have a force field around your heart. You don't want to feel that hurt again but don't end up putting yourself in a harmful situation where you think you're not meant to have friends because you're so closed off from meeting new people. When this whole situation happened with this friend group, I was being closed off. Still, the day I opened my heart, I ended up meeting somebody exceptional who, to this day, is someone I consider very close with. I always thank God and the universe for me and this individual meeting because it's an individual who has been very, very supportive and showed me what a true friendship is meant to be like. Some people will show you the true definition of a real friend, but you still have to open yourself up to meet these individuals. These people will not fall into your lap randomly; you will have to meet them halfway to initiate or Bloom Something Beautiful, like a new friendship. Sometimes, it's hard, and I'm not expecting you guys to do it right away, but once you release all those negative feelings and emotions over the situation, you can start opening up your heart to meeting new people. Take the things you went through with the breakup and apply them so that you won't meet people similar to those individuals moving forward. That's how you should look at any form of Separation that happens. Take it as a lesson and apply it to the next connection.  It is heartbreaking to go through a separation with someone you deem as close, but that is a part of life. Some people are meant to be with us for a lifetime, some people are only meant to be with us for the season, and those people that are meant to be with us for a season make sure that whatever lesson that they taught you, you apply it on to your life in the future. Those people who are meant to be in your life for a lifetime, make sure you cherish and appreciate them while you have them around you. Always remind yourself that you are worthy enough for genuine love and Connections in your life, and just because you went through a negative situation doesn't mean that you have to fight your heart with that same negativity and still walk around in life with positive and watch the people that are intended to be in your life flock to you.  You are worthy of true love and will get that in the future. I hope anyone is going through any form of breakup or feeling alone currently; I want you to know that you will get through this, that better days are coming, and this darkness you are feeling right now is only temporary. Click Here to watch our storytime on this topic on our TikTok You got this. Till next time! XOXO

One of the fears that I noticed during my self-improvement journey is taking that leap of faith. Starting something new can send chills all over your body, and I get it. Fear-based thinking when it comes to a new beginning is standard, but the issue arises when that thinking causes you to stagnate. Many people stay in unfulfilling situations because they are familiar with it. You know, like your friend who is still with their partner, despite them breaking up 50 times already, or that family member that  ALWAYS complains about their job but still works for them. Everybody’s situation is different, but most of the time, individuals stay because they are comfortable.  As people, we all crave stability in our lives; anything that can jeopardize that sense of security is nerve-wracking. However, we tend to undermine our happiness due to that stability, especially when we know this situation is mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or financially unhealthy. I overstayed in unhealthy environments and connections all because of that sense of familiarity. Saying statements to myself like, “ Well, I am used to this”   or “I'd rather stay here than go somewhere new, and it fails”   is the first mistake I made when it comes to embracing the unknown is my wording.  Our words are incredibly powerful and can unintentionally manifest bad outcomes. If you keep telling yourself, “I'm going to be alone forever,”   you will always believe you are not worthy enough to find healthy long-term connections. However, by changing how you speak about a new beginning and reframing your statements, you can shift your mindset and empower yourself. Instead of saying, “  I'm scared this person is going to hurt me”  , say, “  I am open to getting to know this person” .  By reframing your thoughts, you can take control of your fears and start something new with a positive outlook.  Another tip to embracing the unknown is changing your perspective on the situation. This tip works hand in hand with the first one well. Think of this: the situation you are fearful of leaving was once something you first started. You probably had the same hesitations now, but something caused your past self to move forward with this situation. Changing how you look at a situation can limit the hesitations connected to this new beginning. Whenever I fear starting something, I see it as an opportunity to reintroduce myself. Make sure that the perspective you pick has a positive undertone to it. For example, Instead of thinking,  “Omg, what if the work environment is worse than my last one!’   look at the situation from this perspective: “ This new job is about to be an amazing experience, and I’m going to meet new interesting people!”  My last tip for embracing the unknown is weighing the pros and cons.  This one is for my visual learners ( I see you, lol). Sometimes, it is easier for us to see the positives and negatives when written in a more physical way. Pros and cons lists are my favorite go-to to see if a situation is healthy. This is more if you pick between 2 or more choices, but it works for any situation. My favorite way to utilize the pros and cons is choosing between 2 people or job situations. Write down how both situations will benefit you and hinder you in a present and future timeframe. This method helps you self-reflect on what you will and will not tolerate. By self-reflection, you can make more informed decisions and feel   more confident in your choices.   Starting something new is scary, but you only know what is behind that door if you open it. During episode 14 of season 3 of Abbott Elementary, the character Mr. Johnson says this quote to Janine, which resonates with this topic perfectly.   “ Things will go wrong whether you do what you want or not. For me, regrets have always been harder to live with than the consequences.”  This quote hit me while writing this article because it helps summarize the idea of embracing the unknown. When you think about it, everything in this world is not perfect. Everything we do has positives and negatives, but the “what ifs” will always negatively impact us. Taking that leap of faith will always positively affect us because it can be the best thing that ever happened to us or a lesson well learned that will get us closer to our desired outcome. You will never know unless you start it! Trust me, initially, it will be hard and uncomfortable, but you will be grateful you took the risk regarding the outcome. As long as the risk is healthy, you have nothing to hinder you but yourself and your thoughts. We should all set a goal to do one thing outside your comfort zone this summer, and let us know if it works for you.  Till next time girlies  XOXO GirlsTalkBlog

Welcome back, Girlies! ✨ It's almost summertime, and I know you are about to be outside! But understand that when you become more active and social this season, practice setting and staying firm with your boundaries. We hear this word often, especially over the past five years, but do you know your boundaries? Do you find yourself saying yes to things even though you know deep down inside that you are uncomfortable doing it? Well, you, sweetheart, need some assistance understanding your boundaries and how to stand on them. First, let's start with what is the definition of Boundary from the Merriam-Webster dictionary: " Boundary - Something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent." A boundary is understanding and informing other parties about issues/conversations you are eager to engage with and others in your "no zone." People go through different life experiences and traumas that affect their feelings about specific actions and subjects. You and your friend can always talk about each other's families, but maybe a family conflict occurred over the weekend, which caused them to set a personal boundary with you, which makes the topic of "family" off-limits. Or maybe for friends, they can borrow personal belongings of yours, but you wouldn't do that to your family. Everybody's boundaries are different or can change due to the connection you and the outside party have or any life experience that reshapes what you like and dislike. Let's break down the different types of boundaries and some statements that connect with enforcing that type of personal boundary. We had to break down the different types of boundaries and their examples. It's time to understand how to find that sweet spot when standing firm on your boundaries. It is essential to ensure a healthy balance when setting boundaries. You don't want to be too lenient when people take you for granted and hurt you, and you don't want to be too strict and close yourself off to new opportunities and connections. Take a moment to sit and reflect on the things you like and dislike and see how your closest connections around you respect these preferences. If you notice that these people do not respect these personal boundaries, inform them about how you feel about your preferences; if a person genuinely cares and respects you, they will understand and respect the personal boundaries. Setting boundaries is NOT meant to break a connection but to strengthen the bond you two share. Either your boss or your childhood friend, if someone makes you uncomfortable or misunderstood, speak up and trust, and you will indeed see who is meant to stay in your life or who you are meant to keep at a distance. Till next time XOXO💋

Welcome back, girlies ✨ Lately, I have been feeling very content in my life. I haven’t felt this sense of peace in a very long time. My journey of self-improvement over the years has gotten me to this point of calmness, but I noticed a little struggle I had been experiencing when it came to continuing harmony in my life. The term “ Doing it for the plot” has been in my vocabulary over the years, but I acted on it more last year than now.  Based on the source of Andrews.edu [1],  “ Do it for the Plot”   means “To do something regardless of the potential for a negative outcome, viewing yourself as the main character in your life, acting to move the story along, no matter what happens. Should I take the risk or play it safe? “  *This term was created initially by TikToker Serena Kerrigan in 2021. Based on this definition, this term can have positive intentions. It can positively influence an individual's life as it encourages people to live their lives unapologetically. As the “main characters” in our lives, we should make decisions that bring fulfillment into our daily lives. However, We can also use this term as an excuse to make decisions that are not healthy for us and our lives. I found that last year, I would use this term as an excuse to make self-sabotaging choices that set me back in my self-improvement journey. I remember one situation in which I knew it would not be healthy to get back in contact with specific individuals but that statement, “fuck it, let's do it for the plot!” took over, and let’s say it didn’t work in my favor.   Now, it’s essential to have a sense of self-awareness. As this term can have negative and positive intentions behind it, it’s great to reflect on whether this decision you're about to make will improve your life or hinder it. In our article, “ Embracing the Unknown ,” I mentioned some excellent tips on determining if something is good to pursue. The side of self-sabotaging that nobody talks about is when you KNOW something unhealthy, but you still want to do it because it will add drama to your life. I know you just read that like, “ Who tf wants to add drama to their life purposely?!” but hear me out.  Individuals who grew up in inevitable chaos, either from their upbringing, experiencing constant toxic connections, etc, these individuals are conscious or unconsciously comfortable with this lifestyle. This way of thinking can be conscious or unconscious; peace is abnormal to these individuals, so if they start making healthy choices to remove themselves from this lifestyle of chaos to a soft life, it might appear “Boring” to them. That sense of boredom can influence these individuals to start making self-sabotaging decision-making that can negatively impact their lives, relationships, etc. One example: You return to dating after healing from your last toxic relationship. You are getting to know new people when, all of a sudden, you get a message from your ex. You know you and this ex have an adverse history together, and you know that communicating with them wouldn’t be the best decision to make. However, due to how “boring” your love life appears now, you might decide to reply to the message impulsively. Now you just started the toxic cycle with them again and messed up the opportunity to meet someone better because of boredom.  If you are thinking about “doing it for the plot,” weigh the pros and cons of pursuing this idea. Is this decision best for my highest good? Will this decision set me back physically, mentally, spiritually, or financially? Being fearful when experiencing new things/people is excellent, but ensure you understand yourself and your boundaries. It is so easy to mistake living in the moment with self-sabotaging. So make sure you are doing your self-reflection before anything you decide to do because that quick 5 minutes to think can genuinely save you days, months, and even years of obstacles.  Till next time, xoxo 💋 ✨ Sources [1] https://www.andrews.edu/life/student-movement/issues/2023-10-27/last-word-do-it-for-the-plot.html#:~:text=Our%20generation's%20take%20on%20YOLO,risk%20or%20play%20it%20safe%3F